Category: the Rant Board
Ok, I know, I am a woman, but honestly I do not understand this...I do not usually post like this, but I need some place to really vent. My "best" friend left her bf of 2+ years last week because of irreconcilable differences; child rearing, money, inability to forgive...He gave her 10 days to move out, he tried to be there as little as possible when she was there packing, he let her take almost anything she wanted; (a good part of it was hers, but there were some things she apparently took that weren't hers; like his brand new pack of disposable razers, change and change jar...), and today she pressed charges against him! She claims that he hit/held her down; (I am not quite sure which), but I was there when she claims it happened...He never laid a hand on her, as a matter of fact he never even talked to her...I talked to him, but that's it. She claims he threatened her, and while I can see that he may have said some things in anger that should not have been said, I can not see how it is seen as threatening her...It was like, "if you ever compare me to your ex again..." Well, I would not want someone comparing me to their ex either, and she was constantly doing that...Then she had the gall to claim he had a gun stored at my home that he is not suppose to have. There is no such thing stored in my home, and for a friend to bring her supposed "best" friend into this crap like this is bullshit. I do not have anything to hide, but that does not mean she has the right to have the cops trapsing through my house just because he refuses to beg her to come back, he refuses to give her the house that he was the one who rented from his own family...I just can not get my mind; (or heart), around this. True, I accept that she is not perfect, and that she has problems, but this? What do you guys think? Do you think I am over reacting?...I do not think this has even sunk in. As I said, I know she has problems; (who does not), but to do this to her supposed friend? Oh, if there were something here and it were found by the cops my husband and I would likely get into trouble...After all, it is our home...GRRR!!! I guess the real point is that she even put us (me) in this position when from the beginning I have asked her to allow me to remain nutral, but I can not stand by and let her ruin his life with lies, and I do not think you show your friends inconsideration like this if they are really your friend!!!And, that includes this shit about a gun in my home!!!
No, I don't think you're overreacting at all. I'd be pissed, too. and the worst part is, this chick is bound to get away with it. Believe me, I'm all for women's rights, and have no desire to go back to the days when women weren't heard or believed in court and so on. However, we live in a society of almost reverse discrimination: now a woman's word in a courtroom is gold, and in disputes like this, the man's word generally does not count for crap. Many women know this, and use it to their advantage, as it sounds like this one is doing. I also think she is no true friend of yours if she's willing to put you in the middle of this. Sorry to hear you're having to go through it, but as I said, I don't see an excuse for this kind of behavior. Nor do I think she's really your friend, at least not from her perspective.
Agreed. And, I will testify, so will my husband, I do not know if it will do any good, but we are going to try for him. Update...Bond was lowered and he is getting out today. Thanks for your support. This is tough; considering he is a friend and we thought she was, the break up was hard enough on us...remaining neutral...But, it has turned 10 times more difficult. It hurts knowing what I would have done for her, and I do not think it has all sunk in yet, but it will when the cops go through my home...I, Hate, Waiting!!!
Poor guy, I feel for him (and you guys too, don't get me wrong).
Two types of crimes that get on my nerves, may be more than anything are:
a. Criminals pretending to be in need of urgent help and then robbing/killing people who do stop to assist. Not only is it a crime but it makes it so much less likely that anyone will help people in genuine emergency, because they are just afraid that said person is going to rob them anb. Women who wrongly claim to have been raped or assaulted by a guy.
I think petty much everyone agrees that rape is one of the most cowardly and disturbing acts a man can commit, and being wrongly accused of it there is little the guy can say or people can't stick up for him because it is so disturbing and it instantly paints him as a low life and a horrible person for the rest of his life.
I think a women wrongly accusing a guy of this and is found out, should get a considerable jail time as well as fines, because there are women out there who use and abuse this right (that being said, I am sure some guys too, especially when the catholic church is the defendant, they are no saints, pardon the pun, but I am beginning to wonder how many gold diggers are claiming sexual abuse now in hopes of millions in settlements). But, again, those women who are found out to have wrongly accused a guy of raping them are also making genuine cases more suspect, so they are not only bad to the image of guys in general but also to those women who are truly the victims of such an act.
So you guys must stand up, whether this was a friend or not, and defend the guy, because his reputation and, possibly, his entire life happiness is at stake.
Your female friend is being dishonest therefore you are right not to support her. Don't side with the dishonest.
Thanks guys. I really appreciate the support, and after the day I have had I really can not consider her a friend any longer. I feel for the two boys she is raising; (at least parcially in one case), because they are the ones who are really going to pay in the long run. I just hope we can help this guy get equitted...He did not assault her...She is not claiming rape, but instead domestic violence...Just as bad in this case since neither happened, and honestly, this has made me wonder about everything else she has ever told me.
Well, honestly, in some cases I would support a friend who was being dishonest, that is what being a friend is sometimes. To support you even if you may not always be right, and to help you resolve things, not to give you away or stop being your friend if you do not follow the truth and honesty 100%.
In this case, though, she is hurting others and has broken the first rule of friendship by getting you involved in her schemes, so to speak.
In this case I'd not support her at all. So say the truth.
Just think of it this way. I know it's difficult, but if the police search your home, and you have nothing to hide, which I'm sure you don't, that'll prove it once and for all who's telling the truth, and who's lying. Nobody likes the accusations, but just keep fighting for the truth, and it'll serve you well in the end.
*victim*
She seems to play the role quite well.
As many others do.
It is not that I have anything to hide that upsets me...But more that I feel if they search that she has violated me by bringing my home into this at all. She was suppose to be my friend, and yet she cares so little; (knowing I am a private person, knowing I am not a people person, and, knowing I do not have many people in my home), that she brings me, my husband, and, my home into this disaster that she has created!!! I can not and will never forgive or accept such. Oh, I am not saying they can not search. I have invited them too, but I do not have to like it. And, another thing that gets me is the damn lies. No, I am not going to claim to always be honest, any adult who is always honest is more perfect than I am or not really adult...But, I have morals, and my morals say you do not lie about innocent people, you do not put innocent people in jail, you do not lie about friends, you do not lie about important matters, you do not lie to the law; (that could get one in deep shit!). I just do not understand how she can sleep at night and have a conscience...And another thing that gets me; (though I do not expect her to care about this), is what this upset is doing to her ex. He is innocent, but it is a fact that innocent people get convicted...
I know what you mean, and I totally understand that you don't like being searched. Nobody should have to go through that without just cause. I'm just saying, in the end, everyone will get what they deserve.
I agree with post 2 and I will say that it is a crying shame.
Haven't come by the rant board in awhile, so it's kind of late, but all I can say for you is good luck. This doesn't sound like a friend to me, either. Couldn't they just break up without false accusations of abuse? How might this affect women who actually are facing abuse? Also sounds like my mantra of how people treat other people is a good idea of how they will treat you, and it seems to fit: ex falsely accused of abuse, you guys falsely accused of storing an illicit weapon.
Oink, oink, offensive but must say it: this is why I prefer guys as friends. Unless the friendship goes beyond that, it usually doesn't evolve into drama, or sneaky little manipulations, or criticism that really just deflects their misery onto someone else. I felt a little guilty awhile back about just not returning a "friend's" call, yet this "friend", when I put a stop to her borrowing our car, was nice enough to sneak behind my back & go to my husband & ask his permission instead. She even knew my odd hours work schedule so she had an idea of when I would be dead tired or half awake to have a hard time saying "No". Probably the call wasn't social. I don't feel so guilty about dumping her, and neither should you feel guilty about just dumping this one without confrontation.
Women who falsely accuse only victemize themselves.
How about the people they falsely accuse? They may have their reputations shot to hell in a bucket, worse case scenario an arrest record, like the guy "The Reverend" Al Sharpton had falsely accused of raping a black woman to make a point about race relations. To this day he never issued an apology.
We have went through the EPO (emergency protection order) hearing, and the judge upheld it. She said in court that I am "just friends with people for convenience, I am only taking up for him because he is my neighbor, and that her and I have had issues with this through out our relationship". The judge seemed to believe her, and he attacked me for it. He said, "you are no kind of friend, you seem to butt your nose in..." Talk about a shock. To be attacked by a judge who does not even know me...But, the criminal part of this goes to pre-trial Sep 16. So, let us hope things are different then. I really feel bad for this guy. He is going through hell because of loving her, and now she has to make it worse by doing all of this...
This is wrong and I would not stand for it if I were him. Love? Bah!
Unfortunately it plays a major part. Oh, no worries, he would never take her back after this crap, but it is still tough on him. But, I think things will get better...Especially when he has to face a trial...The anger will come back to protect him until he can heel. I, hope? :)
I think you are right. You have a reason to be mad at the person for bringing problems to your home hope this doesn't happen again
All that your saying is true I hope things go good for you now